Name, Date, and Memories?
by Writer-by-day
Summary: Sirius has nothing left to lose it seems. The war is over and he's got no one left... That is until he finds a thestral... and a lost friend, who's also happend to have lost her memories. SBHG M for later chappies and language
1. Chapter 1

**Name, Date, and... Memories?**

_Hi everyone! Long time no post... I've been so busy lately. Here's another shot at a Sirius/Hermione fanfiction. The last one kind of died... I guess it was just too normal of a plot for me, this one should go farther because it's the only one I've been working on other than my novels... -sigh- _

_**DISCLAIMER: I DISCLAIM THE BACK PLOT** (the harry potter books aren't mine... too bad... I wish I was rich...)_

Thanks to Evergreen-Baby for beta-ing, Skittles for reading and my good friend Writer by Night... who didn't know that my username was Writer by Day till she started this account... for reading also. Much Lub guys!

UPDATES: Should come soon enough... Maybe the weekend afternext... as well... Thats the weekend I'm finally getting my N woot!

**Chapter 1: **_**Are You High Sirius?**_** No Brain, But I Wish I Was…**

Sirius drove down the dark road; faster he believed, than he had ever gone before. His heart full of concern, and his mind telling him to slow the fuck down or he was going to kill someone. It didn't matter anymore anyways…

The rain began to come down heavier; it hadn't stopped raining in so long now. His heart ached; he couldn't help that now, it wouldn't help him. Not in this war, not in the last one. He didn't cry, or get mad. He was just numb, just trying to scrape out some kind of existence after what had happened, and yet he still went faster, always faster. Maybe some part of him really just wanted him to die. Maybe it would be better that way. He wouldn't have to face all the sorry faces that surrounded him day in and day out.

The street lamps blended into each other until he could see them imprinted on his eye lids as he pushed the bike faster. The night was quiet except for the hum of the bike between his legs, goose bumps rose on his legs and arms. He knew this was crazy, he knew this was suicidal, but he kept going. He wasn't going to come home that night. Not that there was anyone waiting for him. Right now the open highway seemed to be homier and inviting, he wasn't about going to argue with that.

The rain pelted his full face helmet, creating a comforting splat sound on the visor and dripping down his neck and down his shirt. He was cold, but he didn't give a shit. He was done. He needed to get away before he snapped at someone again. It hurt him to always be pissy. That's what he had turned into, a pissy old man.

The highway ate him up, the trees beside him didn't move as he rushed by. There was no one else on the road, no one as crazy as him. He might as well be a ghost. Hell, maybe that's all he was. He looked skyward and silently asked his dead friends if it was worth all the shit he'd been through, the bluish rain contrasted against the black sky and the orange glow of the street lamps. There was no answer, he could hear what he thought they would say, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear, so he blocked it out.

He had always been the stubborn sort anyways. A vast amount of water could now be seen between the trees and it kept his attention for a moment. Memories flooded back, and he felt tears threaten his numb, he bit them back hard until he tasted blood. The bike slid on the slippery road and the front wheel threatened to topple, but he pulled it up in time, his heart rate jumping.

He shook his head slowly as if to clear it, and some of his long raven hair fell into his eyes. He took one hand off the handle bars to wipe it away with a gloved hand. He needed to go faster, his mind kept skipping back and fourth from faster to slower, he put his hand back down and continued on, not slowing for anything, not that there ever was anything to slow down for.

The road began to curve into a steep incline as he followed the highway, his turns were liquid smooth and precise. He'd been driving for hours now and it felt as if he had unknowingly become one with the bike. It was one of the most exhilarating feelings he had had in a long time. This thought flung his senses into overload and a wave of sadness took away from the exhilaration and he slowed the bike slightly.

He glanced down to check to see how much gas he had left and realized he had creped into the red, sighing and not really wanting to get off the highway, he took the closest exit into the nearest town. He didn't bother checking what it was called; chances were it wouldn't matter anyways.

He got into town and slowed to the rate of the limited, but still existing traffic. It felt so slow to him as his body adapted to the slower rate of speed, and he hated every second of it. He signaled himself into the nearest gas station and cut the engine. He filled up fast and paid with Muggle debit, as he pushed the numbers on to the pad he glanced around him, hoping that the helmet was enough not to be recognized. He didn't want to be seen, he'd rather be a ghost.

He screwed the cap back on and glanced out at the dark rainy night, wondering if the rain would ever stop. It had been raining for weeks now, and the farther he had gone on the bike to get away from it, the more it seemed to come down. It suited his mood, but he wished for it to let up. He wasn't about to stop at a motel for the rest of the night.

He got back on the bike and adjusted the strap under his chin from the helmet so it wasn't digging into the side of his face anymore. Sighing he picked it up and put the kickstand back on before turning the key, revving the engine and shooting off again, he took the exit from whence he came and was back on the highway before any of the Muggle police could fathom, tickets weren't his favorite thing to get in the world.

The rain, un-relentless, had managed to soak him through, the cold seemed to penetrate his spine, and it made his gloved fingers numb and his heart the same. The speedometer hit 120 again and he leaned foreword to become more aerodynamic, he looked back up at the soaking horizon line and his heart almost jumped to his throat.

A thestral had walked across the dark wet road. Sirius didn't have time to think, and hit the breaks, the tires squealed. Sirius stopped with only inches to spare; the thestral just stood there and stared with its red lamp light eyes. One hoof off of the ground, it snorted.

Sirius pulled off his helmet and frowned at the beast that was looking at him with an amused look on its face. "Thought that was funny eh?" Sirius asked calmly. He knew this one had to be wild, it was too far from Hogwarts to be Hagrid's, upon thinking about this for another second, _too skinny too…_

The thestral pawed at the ground and snorted. Sirius opened up both his hands and stepped back, showing it that he was unarmed. These magical creatures could be dangerous, especially in the wild.

But then… he had just read about them. Seeing them in the wild was rarer than seeing a beaver fall out of a tree house. The rain let up ever so slightly and he could see that the animal was staring very intently at him… like it was reading his soul. It took a step foreword and Sirius held his ground, weary more than fearful.

It seemed to sense this too and shook its coarse mane, before grabbing the sleeve of his coat and dragging him into the woods. Sirius followed, slowly, reluctantly, maybe slightly weary. It released its hold on his sleeve and made sure he followed. This peaked his curiosity and he followed closer behind the beast through the woods.

He couldn't help but think that there was something he didn't want to see beyond those trees. At this point a big drop of water fell and hit him in the head through the thick canopy of deciduous trees above. He glanced up only to watch an even bigger drop hit him in between the eyes. He let out a little grunt and used his sleeve to wipe his face off.

They entered a clearing and in the middle sat a little cabin-like shack. It was small, very, he thought for a moment, rustic. The rain beating on his back brought him back to the situation in front of him. The thestral watched him intently, not bothering to move but he felt a huge shudder go through him. There was something in that house that he would have to face. He decided, maybe something he needed to see, and this thestral wasn't going to let him leave this place before he found it.

Slowly he walked over to the door, attempting to make it look like he had broken down in the storm and needed a place to stay, it wasn't that much of a stretch… he decided after a moment of taking off his helmet and rubbing his sopping hair profusely, like he had been outside for hours. Then he realized he had been out there for hours and grinned bashfully to himself, shrugging slightly at the now slightly confused, thestral.

He walked up to the door and knocked three times, waiting patiently for someone to come and answer. He heard the thumping of feet on hardwood. Then a woman answered the door, a very familiar woman, a woman with long, curly brown hair, and dark brown teddy bear eyes.

"Hermione?" Sirius asked, his surprise making his question seem choked. He watched for a moment as her eyes began to fill with confusion. A frown quirked on her light pink lips and she shook her head. "I'm sorry, there must be a mistake. There's no Hermione here." She stated in a strangely American accent. She was about to shut the door on his face when she stopped, seemingly remembering her manners. "It's pouring out here, how did you find us?" She asked. "What did you say your name was?" She added after a moment.

"I err, broke down on the highway… I'm Sirius." Sirius stated confusion causing him to snap back into reality. Hermione held out her hand, a blue stone bracelet hung off her slender wrist, "I'm Maddie." She stated easily. Sirius cautiously reached out his hand and took it. He was waiting for some indication that someone would run out yelling, 'surprise!'

When no one did, he mumbled a "Nice to meet you." He ran a surprised hand through his hair. Everyone had been convinced that she was dead. Her body hadn't been found along with countless others who had been disintegrated in the deadly blast from Voldemort's wand, half the people hit hadn't even been found recognizable by anything physical; and that was even before Harry had stepped in.

"Well, you better come in then… there's really nowhere to go, unless you're up for a long trek in the woods and back to town." Hermione stated opening the door further. Sirius stayed glued to his spot on the doorstep. This wasn't the Hermione he knew; the Hermione he knew had had to be stone. She trusted no one cause there was no one to trust, even in the Order, there had been so many casualties to the dark lords spell that there had been none to trust. The death of Dumbledore had marked the death of the Order of the Phoenix. The death of Ron, saving marked the death of her heart.

Hermione had grown from a teenager to a woman in those times, and they had been harsh to her. She had become a ruthless leader in their time of need, and had given up anything regular in the process. She had transformed her body into a killing machine, taken on darker spells then even him, a remnant of the Black family name could fathom, and effectively turned her heart to stone in the process. Making herself unlovable as it were. All this helped them rally enough wizards to destroy the horcruxes and battle the dark lords groupies in the process.

He remembered once that she had turned on him after the first battle and demanded he show her his arm… not believing he could still be on their side after being away for so long, after coming back from the veil. He remembered the hardness, and the cruelty in her eyes; but most of all he remembered the utter fear, remorse, desperateness and the overwhelming sadness, like she was fighting to stay in control, fighting, not only the war, but herself.

This Hermione, or 'Maddie' as she called herself, was none of those things, she was maybe a little confused, but the pain in her eyes had vanished. Something was missing. Sirius couldn't bring himself to say another word. She was inviting him inside, she didn't know who he was, and she looked so much happier than she had during the war.

Just then an older woman came to the door, a smile played across her old lips as she placed a hand on Hermione's shoulder. "Who's this?" She asked in a soft loving tone. "This is Sirius; he broke down on the road." Hermione stated biting her lip. "You're welcome to stay here; we get a lot of people breaking down on the highway. This stretch just seems too far between towns to go anywhere else." The woman stated kindly.

Sirius just nodded numbly and mumbled something about thanks and needing to get some things from his bike before heading out towards the forest. Not believing what he had come upon. It hurt him so bad to be thinking that he should be calling the Order about this; it hurt him to know there was no one but strangers to care. No one that would want to talk to him and no one that HE would want to talk to.

He grabbed his bag almost grudgingly and ignored the thestral that had followed him back. Seemingly making sure that he wasn't just going to drive away, he wasn't, after getting off the bike, only then did he realize how stiff and tired he was. He felt like an old man, no matter how damn in shape he was.

The war had hurt him deeper than he could have imagined, not just mentally, but physically also, on the outside he was in the shape of his life, but in the inside he was hurt, muscle had been injured to the point where even Wizard magic couldn't repair. They had taken care of the scars, but the internal damage had been beyond repair in some places.

Sighing he headed off towards the house again, a worn backpack over his shoulder and walked his bike through the miniscule trail leading to the house. Wondering how the hell he was going to make it through the night without a good sleeping potion and a good shot of something alcoholic.

He got back to the house and parked the bike under an overhanging tree. He glanced around, but the thestral was gone. He sighed once again and made his way over to the house. Wondering whether or not to knock, instead the door opened and the old woman stood, blocking his way into the house, she looked much more serious than she had before.

"I don't know who you are, but if you hurt that young woman, I will see to it that I will dredge up your past and use the first thing that pops up, to insure that you go to jail. Are we clear?" The old woman's eyes turned icy cold, the pupils sharpened onto Sirius's face. Her deeply lined face gave the impression of a deeply detailed renaissance painting. It was stern, but below that he could read the deep love the older woman had for Hermione, and he could respect that, and was thankful for it.

Sirius nodded very seriously, "There's no way I would ever hurt that woman in there, you have my word." He stated meaningfully. She was starting to remind him of Minerva. She nodded apparently pleased and beckoned him inside.

The cabin was indeed small, but it was warm and dry; which was more than he could say for the storm outside. The only light came from a small television and a small fire crackling in the stone fireplace. It created a warm glow that echoed shadows all over the wooden walls. A small raggedy love seat sat in front of the T.V. There were some lounge chairs in a corner beside a bookshelf and a small breakfast nook in the corner. As far as he could see, he counted 3 doors on the first floor and after a glance up the stairs revealed a loft, which he guessed was a bedroom.

Hermione was nowhere to be seen. "Maddie went to bed," The woman stated. "I'm Marine by the way." Sirius nodded, still taking in his settings. "Thanks for taking me in. It must have looked funny, me just coming to the door like this." Sirius stated running a hand through his hair, his thoughts falling on the thestral and then on Hermione again, he wondered whether the thestral had known Marine was a muggle.

"Oh, we get people who break down all the time. It's a good way to make acquaintances. You can dry you're stuff if you want, just set it over the grate." Marine dismissed. Sirius nodded, wondering whether the women knew who Hermione was. He set about propping his clothes against the grate. He warmed his hands near the fire, realizing how cold he had really been as his hands went numb at the first sign of heat.

Marine found herself a chair on the love seat and began flicking channels; the room was silent, with the exception of the buzz of the ancient television. Sirius rubbed his hands together, and slowly got the feeling back. He picked up his discarded gloves from the floor and squeezed them out over the fire; it hissed for a moment and more white smoke flew up and out the flume. He set them on the grate with the rest of the contents of his bag and his jacket.

The clothes he had on at the moment were almost dry and he left the fire side. Marine didn't even turn around, "There's some hot water in the kitchen, there's tea, hot chocolate, apple cider and instant coffee. I suggest you don't take too much of the hot chocolate or Maddie might have to kick you out." Marine stated

Sirius nodded, still not used to Hermione's new name. He decided on tea and went to the kitchen, opening the first cabinet he found assorted boxes of tea and chose orange pekoe, took up the hot water from the kettle on the stove and poured himself a cup.

By the time he came back into the living area he was warm and dry. He was astonished at how fast it had happened, maybe this woman was a muggle, but she definitely had some kind of magic, he decided.

He walked over to the love seat and cautiously placed his earthen mug on a coaster on the coffee table. There was a comfortable silence as Sirius sat down and waited for his tea to steep. The only sound came from the almost muted television and the cracking of the fire. Sirius glanced wearily over there, wishing he could put a non burning spell on the clothing, but then glanced back at the woman beside him.

She didn't turn towards him, but she spoke quietly, calmly. "You know Maddie." She stated. Sirius nodded, leaning back on the old cushion. "Yeah, I know Hermione." He stated, really not wanting to talk about it. He wasn't sure how much the woman knew about Hermione's past.

"You hid your recognition well, but not well enough, she didn't notice though, just in case you didn't want to tell her." Marine spoke softly, but there was a hardness in her tone that suggested something more important.

"How did you find her?" Sirius asked changing the subject, and turning his eyes towards the woman, her long grey hair was pulled back in a braid. "I was a nurse working in London for almost twenty years before I retired. I majored in psychology and my specialty was helping victims of amnesia or other brain disorders." Marine started. "When they found Maddie, they suspected she had been raped, she didn't know who she was, and they thought she would never be able to get integrated into society. I just happened to be doing a lecture there… so obviously I took her into a home care program, I couldn't leave her in there. She's very bright." Marine stated.

Sirius nodded, "That I can agree with." He stated sipping his now far too strong tea. "Who is she?" Marine asked with less authority than she had spoken with before, and Sirius relaxed slightly. "Her name is Hermione Granger, she was a good friend of my godson, they went to school together, both her parents are dead, and I'm not sure if she has any other living relatives, but she's never spoken about any before." Sirius stated flourishing his hand slightly as he spoke.

Marine nodded, "She had the accent before then huh?" She stated, her accent was very much American. Sirius nodded. "Interesting…" The woman hummed slightly as she tapped one finger on the side of the couch. "Did you know her very well?" The woman asked. Sirius nodded, "Well enough." Sirius stated with a sigh. He was starting to get uncomfortable again. "Do you know what might have happened to cause her to loose her memory?" Marine asked, her darker blue eyes searched his gray ones and he sighed, wondering what he could say.

"She was going through a very stressful time; I really didn't get to close to her when it was happening. She lost her boyfriend a while back and then she was forced into a position at her job she could scarcely deal with. There was a lot of stress, and then there was a…" Sirius licked his lips, searching for the right words. "Business trip, and all our friend's were on this plane, it was a private plane and it crashed into the coast line, a lot of the bodies were burnt beyond recognition, and we were given the impression that her body had fallen into the ocean and wouldn't be found. I was sure she was dead." Sirius sighed, running a hand through his now dry hair.

"You're staying." Marine stated getting up and taking her mug to the kitchen. Sirius stood also. "I thought we'd all ready established that." Sirius stated. "We need to get her memory back. Sirius, being her friend, are going to stay, until she gets that back." Marine stated.

"That being said you seem to think I have no life." Sirius stated. "No one with a life travels that highway. You can't tell me nuthin otherwise." Marine stated poking a thumb in the direction of the road. Sirius allowed a weary smile to grace his lips for a moment.

"You don't miss much do you?" He asked. Marine chuckled, "Can't get much past me, no. So don't bother trying." She stated pointing at her nose. Sirius nodded. The silence between them was now comfortable enough, although his thoughts were still flooded with unease.

_What if she doesn't want to remember?_ Sirius thought darkly. He pondered this slightly and ran a hand though the now rough stubble that had made it's home on his face. A few minutes later Marine excused herself to bed, leaving him alone with the fire and the old television remote. So old it reminded him of his time at James's and Remus's houses, sitting around eating ice mice and watching the Wizard of Oz.

He wondered where his friends were now, wondered how they had faired in the bigger scheme of things. Had they died so he could live on and waste his life on alcohol and deep brooding sessions in the dark? But then, they were free, the price it seemed, was far too much than Sirius had ever been willing to offer.

With a sigh, wishing that he had had something stronger than tea, he stumbled tiredly into the bedroom that had been made up for him and collapsed tiredly onto the bed; where he promptly fell asleep. It wasn't a dreamless sleep however, and he woke up several times during the night in a cold sweat, suddenly back in the battle, or falling through the veil and leaving his godson behind.

He was a haunted man, homeless man, and a man who was utterly alone, no matter who was around him.

_Please don't judge the ending... I wasn't sure how to finish it. Please REVIEW and let me know what you think _


	2. Hidden Identity

**It took me AGES to finish this chapter, I'm so sorry for those who were waiting. Believe me, if you thought the wait was bad, try having your two main characters stuck sitting in a kitchen waiting for muffins to cook for over 3 months, and get back to me. Anyways... Somehow I managed to get this one finished, so here it is, try not to give me too much of an angry review at the end, I just had my wisdom teeth removed and am suffering with a mind numbing case of dry socket. Thanks doc! **

**DISCLAIM!! (I figure if I just shout this out at the beginning of each chapter I should be ok, people should know by now that I don't own Harry Potter.)**

**Chapter 2: Hidden Identity?**

Sirius sat bolt up right, his body still falling out of the dream, and his body covered in a cold sweat. His breathing was labored, and it took him a while to bring it back to normal. He ran a hand through his long, almost shoulder length hair; it was damp with sweat and leftover rain. A long sigh escaped his lips and he waited for the strands of the nightmare to loosen their hold on his skull.

He glanced around the tidy room, trying to take his mind off the visions that plagued it since the last time he had seen Remus, and everyone else for that matter, alive. He looked out the window to see a lightening sky, dark blue with a blush of orange fringe on the horizon, he turned back to face the opposite wall and jumped in surprise.

Marine was standing in the doorway watching him. "Bad dream?" She asked cocking a grey eyebrow. "You could say that." Sirius mumbled covering up slightly. "I'm going to my ranch. I'm leaving Maddie here; I'll be back after supper. Remember what I warned you about." And with that, she was gone.

Sirius sighed, glanced out the window again, the sun was just about to creep over the horizon, he got up, and with one swift motion shut the curtains and jumped back into the small bed, promptly falling asleep.

_He woke up not remembering when or if he had fallen asleep; the world was a dreary blue colour, the stars sparked menacingly overhead. Seemingly the colour reflected off the sky above him. He knew where he was, but as he glanced around, noticed that it was missing some more recognizable landmarks, and this made him uneasy. _

_He saw the lake, large and sparkling with moonlight, so vast and cold that it was like a predator lying in wait to pounce and kill. It shook his stomach, and froze him to the core, a feeling of desperate foreboding clouded the common sense part of his mind, the instinct part of his brain switched on and he felt he should veer away from the almost motionless mass of black water. _

_Then he saw him, Remus; he stood almost silent, his face unreadable, on the beach in front of the water, about a quarter of the way around the lake. A frown creased on Sirius's face and he felt like calling out to his friend to get away from the black sparkling mass. _

_The trees surrounding them seemed to grow bigger as he took a step toward his friend. They were a dark green, and seemed to wrap around the sky as he looked up. His brain began to swim and his eyes stopped being able to focus. He hurriedly glanced back at Rem. He was in faded and tattered red robes, he was gazing out at the water with a wistful look of longing on his face. _

_A tear made its way down his cheek and Sirius tried to remember why he was so distressed, and found his brain unresponsive. He took another step towards his best friend and another row of trees seemed to pop up between them. Sirius bit back his fear and took another tentative step; the same thing happened once again, another row of trees has seemingly popped up between him and his best Remus. _

_Sirius stopped, raking his hand through his hair, he brought it back down when he felt something warm and sticky, and brought his hand to his face. It was covered with his own red blood. Panic, clear and seemingly endless, set in and Sirius looked back up at Remus, only to find his friend knee deep in water. _

_Not allowing the panic to show on his face, Sirius wiped his hand off on his jeans, leaving a deep red stain. He stared at it for a moment, wondering what type of spell could take that out without leaving residual impact on the fabric. For some reason this seemed extremely important, he had to go somewhere after this, but he couldn't remember where. _

_He looked up once more to see Remus waist deep in water, he was silent, his face was impassible and… moving? Sirius knew the first sign of change in his best friend better than his best friend probably knew it himself. Except, this was different, this was lacking the screams of pain, spasm and the heart wrenching sound of breaking bones. _

_This was calm, precise; almost willingly as the change took its hold. Confused Sirius looked up at the plain dark blue sky once more, there was nothing, no moon, no stars, not even a spare wisp of cloud to ease his mind, now tensed with confusion and regret. Setting his jaw in determination he began to run towards his friend, along the edge of where the woods met the water. The woods were massive, they seemed to go on forever and he felt like there were endlessly vast like the mass of water in front of him._

_The only thing he heard was his heart beat, not the light waves on the rocky shoreline or his feet making contact with the ground below, he was running at full speed now, he put his attention on Remus, he was almost neck deep, he was still walking forward. His face as readable as stone, and his body in mid metamorphosis. _

_Sirius cried out once again, this time louder as his brain screamed at him, he is going to die. Remus's head was now underneath the water, he began running faster and faster until the trees blurred, his vision almost shut down and suddenly he knew he was in the water too, drowning with his best friend. _

_A deafening howl pierced the air in the oddly silenced world and he wasn't sure if it was his or Rem's all he could tell was that there was something terribly wrong. The last thing that he remembered was seeing Remus floating face down, half changed in the black, eerie, satin water. _

Sirius woke up with a hand on his shoulder, but he was screaming, he didn't even realize he was the one screaming until he had to take a breath and Remus's screams stopped echoing in his ears as his own. He shut his mouth abruptly and waited for the mirror images in his head to stop spinning, the nightmare subsided but only slightly, the feeling of horror and surprise still rose and fell in his stomach like a trapped bird.

The backs of his eyes hurt, that was the second feeling he had picked up on, as he raised a hand to rub the thick raven hair out of his throbbing eyes. The room was brighter now that it had been the last time he had woken up, and instead of Marine standing in the doorway Hermione was sitting on the side of his bed, she had a hand on her shoulder.

Her dark brown eyes were filled with concern and her lips a thin worried line. He looked up at her and a small smile slid across his face regardless of the terror that still floated below his now recovered calm.

"You were having a nightmare." Hermione stated quietly. Sirius nodded, "Not quite a new experience for me." He stated his voice husky from sleeping and lack of use. Hermione nodded, "I know the feeling." She stated shyly. She pulled a piece of her long auburn curls behind her ear and then a blush fell silently over her cheeks.

Sirius looked down and realized he wasn't wearing a shirt and a grin began to pull at his lips. Hermione changed the subject by getting up and opening the blinds. Sunlight poured into the small rustic room, and Sirius watched as some dust specks floated lazily around the room, turned to gold in the mid morning sun. The dream was slowly taking its' hold off of his brain.

"So…" Hermione started. "What was it about?" She asked looking curious. Sirius cocked a brow at her, wondering how much was too much. All things considered, he didn't even think she knew what she was anymore. She was raised muggle, what if she didn't remember she was a witch?

"My best friend committed suicide almost a year ago, while I was out doing something… well… something stupid; I've had dreams about it before, this one was more… real though. There's a lot of things in this world that I can't explain, his death is one of them." Sirius ran another hand through his hair and leaned back on the head board, lounging in the rare spot of sunlight.

"That's terrible." Hermione stated shaking her head. Sirius shrugged, "Story of my life, love." He stated sending a wink in her direction. "Marine left for the ranch this morning, she won't be back until after dark. She mentioned that you knew me before my accident. Do you know what happened to me? Did I have an accident? We're we good friends?" She was bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet now. Her eyes suddenly lit up. "Did I have an _accent?_" She asked more seriously.

The more questions she asked, the more he realized how much she had changed since her accident. She was almost gushing for information; her eyes were dancing with excitement he hadn't seen since the first time they had met. He realized that she was no longer burdened with the memories that had changed her entire life so drastically, that it had killed her youth and eaten away all the lightheartedness and dreams of freedom that she had had before.

Sirius covered up these serious thoughts and brightened his face ever so slightly so that she wouldn't see him concentrating on what to say. A grin broke through his cover, "Yes… you had an accent." He stated, a yawn breaking through his happy enough face. "Err… Sorry." He added, "Late night."

Hermione nodded, "Would you like some breakfast, I haven't cooked in ages but we have some food in the kitchen, or I could make some eggs…" Her voiced died off as she rushed to the kitchen. Sirius chuckled and reached around for his shirt, with no luck he shrugged off his loss and followed his old team mate out of the room.

What he found was humorous to say the least. Hermione, balancing precariously on the counter of the small kitchen, her head was fully into the cupboard; her bare feet seemed to grip the edge of the counter with all their strength. Her still too-slender body was scrunched between the stove hood and the cupboard.

Her arm moved suddenly as she lost her balance and gripped the cupboard to stay stable, she mumbled, "muffins…" and then straightened the best she could to yell down the hallway, "WE…" and almost fell off the counter. She hadn't expected Sirius to up already, Sirius tensed just in case he had to catch her, but she found her balance again. Her mouth widened into a big 'O'.

"We… we have muffins." She finished, that reddish tinge was over her cheeks was back again. Sirius nodded, "I thought you might." He stated coming over to help her off the counter and grabbing the muffin mix off of the shelf for her.

"Which ever you would prefer love." He stated pulling himself up onto the counter and taking a seat. Hermione eyed his bare chest with a look that made him want do something he didn't think he could do to the woman in front of him. Squelching the automatic reaction of flexing and smiling, he hopped off the table and went to find his shirt.

He couldn't have any of that, not with her. _She could have been you're daughter for fucks sakes. Not to mention your Godson's best friend, you watched her grow up… well, just about… there was that gap that included that stint behind the veil… you know where you came out and she almost killed you…_

He found it under his bed and slid it on, he then straightened the bed a little bit before coming back in the kitchen; Hermione was there, and had a bowl of muffin batter ready for the small oven in the corner. The counter was still spotless the tins were uniformly filled with batter and she was reading the instructions for the second time.

Maybe some things didn't change, Sirius thought in a naïve attempt to ease his overworked mind. "Need help with anything?" he asked coming over again. Hermione shook her head. "No I'm alright for now." She stated, her hair creating a curly dome over the bowl where she was attempting to get the last of the batter out of the bowl. Sirius nodded and sat back, trying to clear his thoughts.

"So… why are you avoiding answering my questions?" Hermione asked shoving the last tin in the oven and using her foot to close it; she then walked over to the table and took up a chair.

Sirius looked up with slight surprise. She had been playing him. Well, slightly playing him, enough for him to think that she was sharper then she hinted before. This perked his interests slightly, but he was too tired to answer without some kind of caffeine and got up to make some coffee. There was something about the way she was asking that made him both curious and wary of the young woman in the table.

He got to puttering around the kitchen and allowed himself a peek back at her, she was wearing snoopy pajama bottoms and a small blue tank top. Her now long hair fell just to the small of her back and shone in the mid morning sun. Her body was no longer skinny, but had built itself out so that she was slender but not looking like she was starving, like she did during the war. Her tank top was just a little too low as she bent over and he couldn't seem to manage to take his eyes off of that small peak of beautifully tanned skin. Cursing his own lust, he pulled his eyes up to her eye level.

His eyes then met hers and he almost jumped back. They bore into his, turned almost amber in the lighting. He almost wondered if she remembered who he was in that moment. Then, she spoke quietly, "Did I know your friend that died?"

Sirius frowned at the question, "Yeah, yeah you did. You were good friends with him. He tried to help you out a couple times." He commented quietly. "Help me with what?" She asked, not letting the quietness of his voice stall her.

"Before you lost your memory, your boyfriend Ron was killed, and you got very depressed. Remus tried to help you on a couple occasions, except, you didn't want help and refused." Sirius stated carefully choosing the information he was giving, his memories coming back almost painfully quick. He remembered Remus talking with him about Hermione, telling him that he suspected she had just given up on a normal life and embraced the war as her only future. He remembered how he felt at that second, like he knew what Remus meant when he said war was her only future; because that's the way he had felt. A big stone felt like it had now taken up residence in his stomach and he watched the coffee drip down into the pot.

Hermione nodded. The kitchen was quiet for a moment. "Did I love him?" She asked finally.

Sirius turned back towards her, barely registering the words; finally he said, "I think for a while you did. I can't really say, because you never told anyone about it. The impression I got was that you didn't really love him, even when you were together, but when he died, it was just another thing in your life to pour grief onto. Instead of doing that, you decided to use it to fuel your anger towards the people who killed him and locked up your emotions. The day after he died was the last time any of us saw the Hermione we knew." Sirius ran a hand through his hair again. Wondering if that had been the right thing to say; all things considered, he had just given her a very big assumption, and she couldn't fight back the way she was used to because she really didn't know the back story like he did.

"My name is _Maddie_." Hermione said a little more forcefully than she seemed to have wanted to, as a blush slid across her face. "Sorry… I didn't mean to…" Sirius dismissed, sighing he went back to watching the coffee.

"Who are you really?" Hermione asked. "How did I know you?" She added. Sirius sighed feeling like he was being interrogated, "I was your friend's Godfather, and we kept in contact when you were in school through him and you stayed for the summer at my house outside of London a few times, and ended up living there with us when your parents were murdered. I wasn't living there much of the time though." Sirius stated, bitterness had managed to weasel it's way through his voice as he had spoken.

Hermione nodded, "Oh…" She stated, she ran a hand through her own hair. He could tell she was contemplating what to ask next and made himself comfortable on a chair. It was an uncomfortable silence between the two of them, his memories weighing down on his normally talkative spirit.

Finally he sighed, "Listen, there's something you have to hear, you may not want to hear it, but it's something I feel obligated to tell you. I can't let myself tell you everything about your past. You had a tough life Maddie, I know that's no reason for not telling you, but, you endured some things that no one should have to go through. Believe me, I went through it too, it changes everyone's life completely, you went through it with so much dignity at such a young age and it just crushed your spirit." Sirius sat up and searched deep into her amber orbs.

"So, you're telling me that I had a hard life. What makes you think that that will change anything? Mr. Black, I have nothing to go off of. Nothing. I don't have a life here, I'm nothing without the memories that I had. You have no right to keep them from me" Hermione stated crossing her lightly tanned arms, fury flashed behind her amber eyes, and the Goddess he had found sitting on his bed this morning had turned into something more dangerous.

"It's not that easy… Maddie. If you remember this stuff then you might not be happy." Sirius emphasized, swallowing his own discreet musings about the woman in front of him. He was going to need all the brain power he could muster for this one.

"Well, that isn't really your concern now is it?" Hermione answered seething, the apples of her cheeks reddening. She stood there facing him, with crossed arms and waiting for him to come up with an excuse.

"Actually, yes it is. I don't want to hurt you, there's so much that you shouldn't have to remember." Sirius stated a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. "Well then only tell me the good things then." She stated sharply, "Or get the hell out 'cause I don't need someone watering it down for me. How am I going to move on then?" Her amber eyes flashed and Sirius cocked an eyebrow.

She had a valid point for the most part. There was something in her eyes just pleading him to stay. Finally he nodded, a sigh penetrating his calm. "I'll stay, I'll tell you the good stuff. I'll tell you some stuff you don't want to hear, and we'll take it from there. Ok?"

Hermione bit her lip and nodded, before sitting back down and picking up an abandoned newspaper, ashamed at her outburst. Sirius nodded back and walked around the kitchen, trying to think of something he could do with himself, he began to pace, like a tiger in a cage, cornered and helpless.

She watched his impatience for a moment with a mixture of surprise and annoyance. He kept going, seemingly ignorant to her frustration. Sighing she brought the newspaper up to unfold, a letter fell from the folds inside, and she took the envelope in her hands; examining who it was from, a large frown crossed her face, before she tossed it aside with a dull thunk.

She let out a shuddering sigh and ran her hands through her hair. "What is it?" Sirius asked, voicing his curiosity, he walked over beside her and picked it up gingerly. "It's from the Mu—Hospital. Yours?" He asked covering up the use of the word Muggle, was going to be more difficult then he thought.

She shook her head without looking up. "That's why it's so important to get my memory back." She stated in a groan. Sirius cocked an eyebrow and walked over to her. "Is there something I don't know?" He asked; a vision of Hermione breaking out of hospital and running into a waiting car flooded his brain before he could suppress it, and he quickly blocked it out.

He sat down once again and he noticed for the first time that she looked miserable. "She's got cancer. It's inoperable. They gave her six months to a year, and it's already been six months. She doesn't think I know, probably didn't want to worry me about it; she knows better than most people what it's like to wait for someone to die. She did it for her husband too." Hermione spoke in a hushed tone, not bothering to look up.

"It's been eating away at me for ages. I can see most of the time in her face that she's in pain, and I can't say or do anything about it because I don't want her to worry about me too. I can't stand waiting around like this, watching her deteriorate." As she spoke he took in the words and then took in the strong woman in front of him, searching her face for signs that she was going to break down. He could tell this was stressing her out.

"I'm I'm sorry, I had to tell someone, and since you're the only one here…" Her voice trailed off and left the kitchen in an eerie silence. Sirius wasn't used to hearing people die of old age, hell, he had never met someone that had died of old age, everyone he had ever known had been destroyed, in some way, by war. It almost sounded ridiculous to him that someone could fight all this time to live, only to die of something benign eating away at them from the inside.

"It's alright love, there's more shit in the world than most people know until something like this happens, and suddenly realization dawns on them. I know the feeling, believe me." Sirius spoke in a quiet voice to the table top. He hoped to Merlin that he had said something she could relate to without her dwelling on how he got said, knowledge.

He looked up to see which impression he had had on the woman in front of him. She was searching his face as he had searched hers. She sent him a tired but level gaze, and he found himself respecting her again. He cursed his brain in that second for comparing her to the woman he had known fighting to stay alive.

She sighed and turned back to the paper, having memorized the page for the crossword puzzle. Talking about it to something that wasn't a house plant, had seemed to have taken a huge weight from her shoulders, and for a second it was a great relief. Until she began to feel guilty about it, she shouldn't have told him about something so personal; especially since she had no idea who she had just told it to.

It all just felt like a huge mistake, she felt tears threaten her calm for a split second and managed to suppress them enough so that she could walk over to the oven and check the muffins.

* * *

The rest of the day passed almost quietly, Sirius had used his motorcycle as an excuse to leave 'Maddie' in the house for a while, as he trudged through the thick forest with his bike, sweat trailed down his back before he finally got it into the small yard behind the cabin. 

He sighed for a moment and looked up at the canopy of the trees, sunlight filtered through the leaves turning the area surrounding him a fluorescent green, he wondered if he could ever really allow himself to tell her anything, he hadn't known the woman he had met after escaping the veil and he now, didn't recognize this one either.

It was like every time he met Hermione she was someone different, and this aspect about her made him uneasy, because he wasn't sure if he could find something of substance underneath. Every time he thought he found a glimpse of who she was, it disappeared as fast as it had been revealed.

He figured this was a coping mechanism and he shouldn't mess it up for her, but this meant he couldn't tell her anything about her past, and he sure as hell didn't know how she was going to react when he started to talk. _Damn Sirius, you've really put your foot in your mouth this time_. He thought, running a hand over the stubble that he had allowed to form on his face over the past three days.

Sighing he pulled a piece of parchment out of one of the leather saddlebags on the side of his bike and scribbled something on it before using his wand to waterproof and send it off. An owl would have taken too long and he figured this would be the only way to show her was she truly was. He ran a tired hand through his hair and allowed himself a glance at the house, his mouth forming a grim line as he wondered if what he had just done had been the right thing.

**Bum bum baaah... Cliffhanger. Reviews would be appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry for the wait everyone. I had a far too busy semester one. It was challenging to say the least. This one is more memorizing and less learning so I have more time to write again. Which doesn't garentee the lack of me being rusty but I'm working on it. Enjoy this fluffy chappy XD.**_

**Chapter 3 Flurries:**

"Hermione oh Hermione…. God, oh God…" Sirius woke up panting, the dream concluding with a wonderful orgasm. He opened his eyes confused for a second, his mind still back in the dream. He glanced around for his beautiful woman, felt around the bed, but found nothing. His hand grasped only air, the ghost of a woman, the ghost of the dream.

After the initial shock came the shame, pure and genuine. There was never much he could do about that part. He felt a certain obligation to be there, to protect her. _Was it really that primal?_ He pondered to himself. It wouldn't be the first time he had done this for someone, but it was definitely the most meaningful. Loneliness weighted down his chest for a moment. He didn't have anyone but her left.

Sighing, he sat up, the sheets wet. He wasn't embarrassed, he was sorry about it though, and now had to do the laundry. Checking the digital alarm clock beside his bed, he noted the time to be 9:30 in the morning and sighed. Wincing with the thought of spending another isolated day in the mountains, he opened the curtains.

Snow. White flurries plummeted down to the ground in a torrent of madness. His heart lighted in less then 3 seconds flat. There was about 4 inches on the forest floor already. A grin spread across his lips, memories of his long gone friends came flooding back. His snowball hand twitched ever so slightly.

The view from his window was memorizing, the deep coating of the snow made everything look more peaceful, innocent even. A single set of footsteps lead away from the house and further into the forest, like those of an unseen ghost. Sirius didn't need to solve that mystery however. Marine left the house every morning without fail. No matter how sick she looked, or how much Hermione, err, Maddie, complained. With a more contented sigh then before, he turned from the window and began to bunch up the sheets on his bed. He then took them up all in one go and surprised himself by clearing the doorway with the lot.

He walked into the tiny laundry room, and dumped the heap of sheets and blankets onto the floor while he fiddled with the controls on the damned muggle machine. He had been living the muggle way since he had arrived at the cabin, and he was getting quite tired of it to be perfectly honest. Finally something seemed to be happening as the small bin began to fill with water. He dumped the heap inside, grabbed the detergent, filled it up to the required level, poured it in and slammed the lid shut with an exasperated sigh.

With the laundry going, suddenly he had freed up his morning. For most people this would have been a relief, but this put a bit of panic in his chest. Something about the way she walked, the way she spoke, the way her eyes sparkled when she looked up at the sky, made shivers go down his spine. Hermione, just being Maddie, or whatever, was just…

He shook his head and glanced out the window again, regretting ever sending the letter, _what if she remembered?_ He found a pair of his jeans and a shirt on the floor and pulled them on before he pulled himself up to sit on the old washing machine. Isn't that what she wanted? Isn't that what he wanted? For her to remember, to look at him and know who he was, and know what they've both gone through.

…_ And then run out on him._

He blinked away the memories that had formed in the back of his mind. Some things were more important then having someone to relate to. He just wished it could have been easier then this. Sirius put his head in his hands and breathed in the smell of the salt. His eyes drooping with sleep.

_"Hermione! Oh Merlin is it good to see you." Sirius walked over and gave his Godson's best friend a hug. Then he noticed something was wrong. She wasn't hugging back. She was thin as a board._

_He pulled back and searched her eyes, tears had begun pooling in those brown orbs. A small smile grew on his lips. "It's really me love, I promise." He stated softly. _

_Her eyes flashed and she backed up a couple steps, roughly pulling off her black leather jacket and tossing it on the side of a raggedy couch. That was the first time he had noted the scars on her arms, and her skin that pale. It looked like she had been surviving off of the smallest amount of food and sunlight her body could handle. A ball of grief had found a home in his chest. She looked worse than some of the inmates living in Askaban had. _

_"That's what I was afraid of." She murmured, her eyes going from his wand hand, to the surprised look that must have been plastered on his face. She pulled out her own wand and pointed it at him. "I will kill you if I ever see you again, I'm only doing this for Harry. You meant a lot to him." Her eyes murderous, she continued to point the wand in his direction, her eyes reflecting off of the small amount of light in the room. _

_"Hermione… I…" Sirius stammered. He took a step back, not wanting to think about what she was going to do next. "I know what you did Sirius, and frankly, I would have thought you would have found some better excuse. I'd go back to your 'master' while you still have life in you, if I was you." Hermione spat. Her arm shaking with rage. _

_Sirius paled. "I would NEVER join HIM Hermione! I don't know how but…" Hermione cut him off._

_"I don't believe you. In fact, say another word and I'll kill you, you bastard! How dare you even speak to me, I've had enough ass-holes coming in here begging for a spot on the 'good' side only to betray us. If you want to fight the good fight then you sure as hell aren't doing it with me, or Harry. He's been through too much shit to hear this now, I'm not falling for your shit, I'm not falling for anyone's shit ever again." She turned around, as if dismissing him. Reaching over she grabbed a dagger from one of her high top boots and pushed it into the wood grain of a grubby table, twisting it until it bit into the wood. A dark tattoo between her shoulder blades moved with her arm. A dark tree, its roots going deep down her back and down deep, names were etched though the design. _

_"I…" Sirius was at a loss for words. With that sound she spun around and threw the blade. It sunk in deep in the wall behind her. Her face was incredulous. "Get the fuck out. I won't miss next time." _

_He left closing the door with a slight slam behind him. He had been grasping his wand through his pocket the whole time. Sorrow bit at his chest, and a wave of loss ran through him. All those names… All those names were silent elegies on their own. So much had changed. Without even thinking he found himself speaking, low and hollow, like words from the dead. "Dumbledore would have believed me."_

_He heard a hissing from the other side of the door. "Dumbledore is dead because he believed too much. He believed everyone had some good in them, he fought because of it, and it's that alone that killed him; something to fight for. Get the hell out." _

He had left that night, his tail between his legs, and his heart in his shoes. She had been so different. So strikingly different then he remembered. Fierce, almost feral, not even a shadow of the old Hermione had been left. A sigh left him as the machine beeped.

Getting up he opened the door, grabbed his sopping sheets, and shoved them into the dryer. He closed the door with his leg and left the laundry room. _Remus had believed_…

Entering the kitchen he found the subject of his recent thoughts sitting in the kitchen slicing a green pear. "Good morning." Maddie greeted brightly, a smile gracing her lips, and then spreading to her eyes. Sirius smiled slightly. "Good morning." He greeted, looking down.

"Lovely weather isn't it?" Maddie asked glancing out the window.

Sirius grinned, "Most definitely." He agreed, grabbing himself a pear also.

"Something bothering you?" Maddie asked breaking the silence once again. Sirius grimaced, she still had the ability to recognize what someone was feeling on the inside.

"Nope, I'm fine thanks. Has umm, anything come in the mail?" He asked changing the subject.

Maddie frowned, "No, are you expecting something?" She asked glancing over at the small pile of letters beside the door.

"Kind of" Sirius stated noncommittally. He waved his hand and bit into the soft pear, attempting to stave off the look of guilt on his face. "Soo… Up to facing the master of snowballs in a duel?" He asked, licking the sweet pear juice off of his lips and glancing at Maddie.

Her brown hair hung in soft curls around her face. Her brown eyes were so vastly different then what they had been that night. It was truly like he was talking to a different person. Maddie grinned at him. "Master of Snowballs, meet the Queen of Cold." She exclaimed getting up and rushing to the door.

Sirius followed her out a grin sliding its way on his sullen face, she was still in her pajamas. "You, my great Queen, are going to freeze." He husked from the door.

"I am the Queen of Cold, and therefore must be so." Maddie shouted, running towards the cover of the trees. Sirius grinned and shook his head, his heart suddenly lighter. Stepping out into the white perfection, he headed, at a run towards the young woman. He grabbed a handful of snow as he went, balling it in his hands.

Memories of his childhood came flooding back, and suddenly, he was at Hogwarts once more. The snow sparkled down, like sugar on a gingerbread house. Gingerly he squeezed the ball of frozen rain in his hand and glanced around. He bounded into the cover of the trees, and suddenly he was hearing the 007 theme song in his head. Ducking behind a tree he spotted movement in front of him.

Ducking lower, he glanced around and saw another flash of brown hair through the trees. Sizing up his chances he threw and heard the satisfying splat of snow on flesh and the tiny squeak of surprise that usually came with it.

"Sirius Black!" Came a resounding shout from the woods, "I am going to find you and get you for that!" Sirius chuckled, now THAT sounded more like Hermione.

"I'm waiting…" Sirius called back, waggling his eyebrows. He then darted from his tree and jumped over a stump before realizing that the only place he would be safe from this woman's wrath was up. Glancing around quickly for a strong enough tree, he found his subject and grabbed the closest branch.

He pulled himself up and started the mechanical motion of climbing the tree. The he felt something hit a leg. Glancing down he noted the white ball attached to his calf. The incentive to climb faster now a lot higher, he did just that, noting the blur of pink and brown coming towards him at a high rate of speed; a grin crossed his face and he grabbed the nearest snow weighted branch.

A shriek disturbed the quiet woods as Maddie, covered in snow glared up at him. He did the only thing that felt natural; he winked and stated, "Oops." She growled, and tore up the tree, with nails like talons she pulled herself up his leg, a handful of snow in each hand. He tried in vain to push her off, but not before she had snow down his shirt and, though some stroke of pure luck, in his pants.

She was laughing gleefully now, and that laugh made him laugh. Soon they had collapsed in each others arms. She was freezing, and it was at this point he lured her down the tree. "C'mon Miss Queen of Cold, I think it's time for us to go inside." He mumbled.

She chuckled and allowed him to lead her back to the house, she was shaking with cold. Halfway there Sirius noted a black dot in all of the white. It was an owl. Sirius's heart sunk into his stomach. Just when he was starting to feel more at ease another reminder of the past threatened to tear him apart again. He glanced down at Maddie who had noticed too. "What is that?" She asked.

Sirius tried to look unimpressed, "An owl. It's got my mail." He stated. Maddie just stared. The Great Horned owl landed with a swish of wings on his shoulder. As he expected there was a box attached to its legs with a small letter attached. Storing the letter for safe keeping, he took up the box and pulled off the top. His heart pumping nervously.

"What the heck is that?" Maddie asked staring at him, and an eyebrow slowly raised.

"This," Sirius began. "Is your wand." He stated picking it up and handing it to her.

_**Sorry the ending was somewhat abrupt, I needed some filler before we get into the nitty gritty of the mystery. Reviews and watches appreciated as always. Oh, and if you want me to start writing in Hermione/Maddie's POV lemme know. I've been debating it recently and I'm not sure. A new chapter should come faster then this one, I finally have some writing time. **_


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